I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
