Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
