Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
