i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
