How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i think my cat just said my name.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
