Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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