I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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