Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
