I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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