the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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