Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
