The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
