it was like eating out sand paper
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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