I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's always time for handjobs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
