She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She even gives head with a lisp.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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Do I have a choice?
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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