I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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