sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
