I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think my vagina is haunted
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
