wanna go halves on a baby?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fuck appropriateness.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
