I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
