Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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