i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
