Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
