So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize