I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize