Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize