He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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