Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Randomize
