I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
