I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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