It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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