just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
