no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
