So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My life is pants optional.
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