She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
