bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
two words: eviction party
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
