So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
