If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize