if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
