I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
