I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
