I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
