you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
