we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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