I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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