i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
