my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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