You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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