And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
