this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
