I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
