yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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