I smell stomach acid.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
