paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
