Already got asked if we're dating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
