Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize