I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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