i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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