its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're like the curious george of whores
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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