just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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