TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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