Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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