I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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