I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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