if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
