just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
