we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize