Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
