he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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