Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
