My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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