who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
