Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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