Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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