I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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