addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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