Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
