my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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