Where are you?
In a non slutty way
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
