maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
