Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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