I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize