Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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