I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
