gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
