So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
