I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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