Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
