I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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