Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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