I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
