oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
