drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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